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February 17, 2005
Susan in Atlanta
Saying goodbye to Mike has been incredibly hard for me. Ever since I heard the news, he has been on my mind almost constantly and I feel this weight on my chest, which I guess is heartache...my heart is aching at that thought of Mike not being in this world.
The funeral and lunch that followed were difficult to get through, but funny stories and good memories of Mike helped make the day easier, but not easy. It was wonderful to meet his parents, Stephanie, and so many people I had heard of through Mike, but not met in person. I wish I had been able to stand up and speak during the service, but at the time couldn’t find the words. I have been remembering so many little things I shared with Mike and how his friendship enriched my life. At one point, we were both going through difficult, messy relationships and we talked each other through the rough spots, commiserated, encouraged each another to stay strong; reminded each other that we deserved more.
When I started in the IT Dept at Wieland, I called on Mike 10+ times a day for guidance and he was always there for me. I learned a lot from him about how to deal with people. Even when people drove him insane (and working on the Helpdesk this happens a lot) he managed to be kind and helpful to everyone (even if it meant throwing something when he got back to his desk). He was honest to a fault, loyal, caring, brilliant, insightful, funny and incredibly independent. He was someone I wanted to call with news. When I told him Jonathan and I were getting married, he couldn’t have been happier for us and I so hoped that he would find someone worthy of all his gifts. I think he did with Stephanie and I am grateful that he found that happiness, however short-lived.
When I got my new car, I emailed him pictures and he immediately called me back. “You are such a Mini person!” His enthusiasm for life was contagious and inspiring.
Jonathan and I planned to visit in January and decided to wait until spring, when the weather improved. I wish we had gone and I had the chance to see New York through his eyes; the city I was born in and he knew better than I ever will. His passing has left a void in my life and my heart, but I am honored to have been even a tiny part of his.
There will be tears and candles
Pretty words to say
Spare me lily-white lilies
With the awful perfume of decay
Banish all dismay
Extinguish every sorrow
If I'm lost or I'm forgiven
The birds will still be singing
It's so hard to tear myself away
Even when you know it's over
It's too much to say.
Banish all dismay
Extinguish every sorrow
If I'm lost or I'm forgiven
The birds will still be singing
from "The Birds Will Still be Singing"
Words and Music Declan McManus
Posted at February 17, 2005 11:34 AM
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