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March 25, 2005

Flattened, but it's only temporary

I never wanted very much but the chance to learn from my mistakes
funny how you never learn but know them when they come around again...

This is from an Echobelly song that I learned about from Stuart. You know that expression kicked in the teeth? That's a bit how I've felt this week. I have that sick-stomach feeling that tells me I've just gone around again when I thought I was moving forward.

A few nights ago I went out with my friends Marco and Wayne for some excellent pineapple curry and conversation. They knew stuff was up but left it to me to talk if I felt like it. In the end I didn't, but I knew they were there for me if I chose to say anything. Later I got to chat with Steph, who filled me in on the latest developments in the summit between Mike's cat and Steph's little girl. (Some {{{hugs}}} for you, sweetie.)

There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

("Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House)

This time, though, I'm wondering if one road has come to an end. I'm not so much distraught anymore as disappointed. Just tired and sad and less hopeful. I don't know if this particular battle is lost for good, but I have to retreat for now. There are things I have to do.

Here's a thought: am I the one leaving or am I being left behind? Is there a difference? Does it even matter anymore? Not really, I guess.

So I can remain here, lying (perhaps wallowing) in the dirt, so to speak, or I can pick up, dust off and get going - again and again and again, as many times as I have to. But now I must direct myself more purposefully, choosing the battles that are worth the fight.

I still have my teeth, at any rate.

Yours, &c., LC | 01:35 PM | Music , Slice o' Life | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

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Comments

ah, echobelly.

be strong. be the one leaving and be clear about why it's happening. it's better that way. (if this is the situation i think it is.)

Posted by: z at March 25, 2005 01:33 PM

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