April 05, 2004
On Eating Two Chocolate Croissants in One Sitting
I had a good weekend, really I did. LTR spills a little more bean than I have about our recreational activities.
Have been feeling dull, so the postings have been trivial and I-centered of late. I did promise to be more substantive, to look outwardly - only to falter and come up with self-absorbed twaddle. And here I am, writing about me me me all over again.
I'm doing things - going to cooking demos, the gym, the library, the movies, out with friends. Should be doing more around the house, should start reading my next book group selection, should be eating in more often, should be starting my taxes. All these shoulds, and they're seeping into my subconscious, like this morning, when I dreamed about work.
These are only the lesser things. I'm frustrated by situations I can't fix, things that are beyond my control. Broken hearts. Unhappy relationships. Illness. Shitty jobs. Bad breaks for no other reason than life can be horribly unfair. And this is just among friends and family, never mind what I read in the paper that makes me wonder how there can be so much evil and stupidity in this world.
The easy response is to not deal, to just lose oneself in the trivial and the ephemera, to treat everything like a cosmic joke because it hurts too much to care.