March 11, 2004
I wonder sometimes if one of my cats is going to have a shorter lifespan because she's so high-strung. She's incredibly skittish and easily startled, even when we're the only ones around the house.
Walking around in a state of fear just isn't acceptable. It's too exhausting and unproductive. But sometimes my imagination goes in directions I'd prefer it didn't. Took the train to work, as usual. Today I was in the front car, and as it was crowded, I found myself standing just outside the conductor's door. And I realized it wouldn't be so hard to do something, if I was a coldblooded fanatic or insane or both.
Being in an open society involves a degree of trust - there's a social contract that we enter into so that we can live and work together and have civic byproducts such as public transit. It's just...what do you do, how do you comport yourself, when there are people willing to step outside of the acceptable ways to deal with each other? I read about the terrible train bombings in Spain, which happened during rush hour. So killing over 190 people and wounding at least 1200 other civilians is going to persuade people of the merit of your cause, whatever it is? How does that make any sense?
I go about my day, because I have things I'm supposed to do. Everything seems normal enough, if you don't think too much and act as if everything is normal.