October 22, 2003
"Brothels for the Mind"
"Libraries are brothels for the mind. Which means that librarians are the madams, greeting punters, understanding their strange tastes and needs, and pimping their books."
"Libraries were the original internet. All knowledge was available even in a local branch library. You could order a book and, if they didn't have it, they'd get it from a library in Yorkshire that did. This would give you the double pleasure of having the book you wanted and the knowledge that a Yorkshireman would be searching in vain for it."
"In most libraries, there is a section of large-print books. The print is so large, in fact, that most of the text has to be removed. For example, in 100 Years Of Solitude, you'll be lucky to get 40 Years Of Moderate Loneliness. What makes this even more of a swizz is that they only tell you about this in the small print."
"Pensioners use libraries much the same way as junkies use dealers."