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September 10, 2002

I'm trying to stay busy

I'm trying to stay busy and distracted, but the gnarled knot in my stomach has been with me now for days. Dashing through Penn Station this morning, there were small clusters of NYPD scattered throughout the crowd. Only to be expected. But it didn't help that I read the paper on the ride in - at least the Times doesn't have the screaming headlines of the daily tabloids. But the news is still ominous all the same.

I'm more bothered than I expected to be, and I have less reason than others who were actually in the city that day. I had a paper due for a class I was supposed to attend in the city that evening. My sister in Atlanta was the one to tell me the horrible news, and I wouldn't believe her until I turned on CNN.

Last year, we were all huddled around the television in the grad lounge, watching, barely breathing, let alone talking. There was a first-year in Scott's department among us, reassuring his mom on his cellphone. He's a really obnoxious pseudo-smartypants who had to leave after his first semester because his cancer re-emerged and he had to do chemo again. Naturally we hoped he'd get well and return to school. Well, he's now back, healthy, and he remains as pseudo and full of himself as ever. But at least he's still around to irritate everybody.

The others who have been mourned all this last year and who've never been forgotten by their loved ones will be remembered and honored by the rest of us tomorrow. Maybe the rest of the country needs to memorialize every milestone on the calendar, and watch and read everything out there, but for those who live here, it seems inconceivable that a year has already come to pass.

Yours, &c., LC | 02:15 PM |